Lockheed Martin, a defense contractor worth billions and billions of dollars thanks to its work making war machines, is a befuddling company. On the one hand, they have people smart enough to make those machines. On the other hand, they made an incredibly dumb quiz about those machines.

A quiz entitled “Which Lockheed Martin aircraft are you?”

Because instruments which are fundamentally intended to cause death can tell you so much about your own personality, much like learning which Friends character you are.

So, so bad.

And it’s not the issue of war that we take issue with, as sometimes it is necessary, nor the tools used to fight them. But what we do take issue with, is treating them like they’re some sort of fun! new! thing! for kids! that is deserving of some crap internet quiz.

We’re sorry, Lockheed Martin, but killing is not Buzzfeed. (Not yet, anyway.)

So to celebrate this clusterbombfuck of the internet, we’ve made our own quiz. Take it, and then cry for the rest of humanity.

H/t to the ever-so-cromulent Kelsey Atherton!

Contact the author at ballaban@jalopnik.com.
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