Photo credit: United States Department of Defense

If a nuclear bomb lands on your head, you will not survive. You just won’t. But if you do survive, the military just held an enormous 6,000-person strong exercise, named Guardian Response, on what to do in the aftermath. And the pictures released by the U.S. Army Forces Command perfectly depict your coming radioactive dystopia.

This woman (helpfully, an actor’s portrayal, which makes you wonder how to land that gig, believe us, we looked for it) survived the blast. I’m sure this will end great for her.


Have you fallen into a pile of rubble? Understandable, considering the way nukes tend to demolish everything within a many-mile radius. The military will bring in cranes to fish you out:

The pile of rubble was helpfully portrayed by an actual pile of rubble, located at the Muscatatuck Urban Training Center in Butlerville, Indiana.


Cranes not getting the job done? People will personally get in there and peek for themselves at the building that has collapsed onto your face.


Oh dear, it looks like you and a large number of your friends have been injured and just totally covered in radioactive dust and debris. Good thing there’s an assembly line set up to clean up everyone just right and also care for them medically if they need it or they are dead:


Too bad the nuke didn’t just land on only you! Looks like everyone has to wait their turn:


It’s a good thing this was just an exercise, and it is never ever possible for this to happen in real life.

Deputy Editor, Jalopnik. 2002 Lexus IS300 Sportcross.

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